Have you heard about the five love languages and are wondering, "what is my love language?" Knowing your love language can make your relationships more fulfilling and stress-free, but first you have to figure out what your love language is. We've created a fast, highly-accurate love language quiz for you to learn where each love language ranks in priority for you. Armed with this information, you can then read explanations of each love language and learn how you can use this information to improve your relationships.
What Are Love Languages?
A love language is how a person expresses and/or receives love. The term and the names of the five love languages were originally coined by author Gary Chapman in his 1992 book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.
According to Chapman, each person has one primary love language which is the way they prefer to show and receive love. Having a primary love language doesn't mean that the other four love languages don't matter to a person. In fact, Chapman stated that people have a secondary love language as well. However, a person's primary love language must be met. If it's not, they won't be satisfied in a relationship, even if their partner shows love often using the other four love languages.
People use love languages both to learn more about themselves as well as to understand better how to meet their partner's needs. We encourage you to take the quiz before reading about the five love languages so that your responses are as accurate as possible, but we'll break down each of them after the love language quiz.
What Is My Love Language: Love Language Quiz
Ready to figure out your love language? Below are 30 statements. Read through each of them and put a checkmark next to each statement you agree with. If you disagree with a statement, leave it blank. Many of these statements mention a hypothetical partner, but if you're currently single, just imagine what you'd do in the situation.
Below the love language test we explain how to tally your score to determine your love language.
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Statement
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Agree?
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1. A tangible gift shows love more than words.
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2. It's very rude when someone is distracted by their phone during a conversation.
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3. Your partner should regularly compliment you.
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4. It's important to schedule a regular date night.
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5. The best way to show someone you care is completing a chore neither of you particularly enjoy.
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6. Wanting frequent physical contact with your partner shows closeness, not neediness.
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7. Actions are more important than words when it comes to showing love.
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8. Special occasions, like birthdays and holidays, require thoughtful gifts from the people you love.
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9. You should always try to keep plans with your partner, even if your schedule changes or you're not feeling well.
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10. It's important to send your partner positive texts when you're apart.
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11. You make a point to compliment projects your partner has finished.
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12. You support public displays of affection.
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13. Giving someone an extravagant gift shows how much you care about them.
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14. If you need to remind your partner to do their chores, it's almost as bad as them refusing to do them.
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15. You frequently put your arm around your partner or hold hands when you're together.
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16. Sharing how much you love your partner on social media is a good way to show your appreciation for them.
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17. One of the best parts of being in a relationship is having someone to try new hobbies with.
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18. You put a lot of effort into choosing thoughtful gifts for the people you care about.
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19. Unloading the dishwasher, folding laundry, vacuuming, etc. can actually be very romantic things to do for your partner.
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20. Showing your partner affection is a better way to demonstrate how much they mean to you compared to simply telling them.
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21. Frequent texting or talking on the phone will never make up for a lack of in-person time with your partner.
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22. If one partner is feeling overwhelmed, the other has an obligation to take up some of their chores.
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23. You frequently save kind notes and messages your partner has given you to look back on.
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24. You get frustrated when you're given gifts that are generic or not especially related to you, even if they're expensive.
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25. You often think of things you can do to make your partner's day easier.
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26. When you and your partner sit apart on the couch or at the table, it makes you feel as though there's emotional distance between the two of you in addition to physical distance.
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27. Being together with your partner, even if you're just watching a movie and not talking, is important for keeping the relationship strong.
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28. One of the most important things in a relationship is regularly telling your partner how great you think they are.
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29. You often drop hints to your partner about gifts you'd like to be given.
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30. It's important to greet your partner with a hug/kiss when you see them.
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Now, count up how many points you earned in each love language category by giving yourself 1 point for every statement you put a check next to.
The following chart shows which statements (#1-30) corresponds to which love language. The maximum number of points you can earn for a category is 6.
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Acts of Service
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Physical Touch
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Quality Time
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Receiving Gifts
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Words of Affirmation
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5
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6
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2
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1
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3
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7
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12
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4
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8
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10
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14
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15
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9
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13
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11
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19
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20
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17
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18
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16
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22
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26
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21
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24
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23
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25
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30
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27
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29
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28
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Points:_____
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Points:_____
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Points:_____
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Points:_____
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Points:_____
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The category you received the highest number of points in (up to 6) is your primary love language, and the category you received the second-highest number of points in is your secondary love language. For the love languages that ranked lower for you, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't matter to you at all. They just aren't as necessary for you to show and receive love.
In the next section we give an overview of what each of the love languages are.
The 5 Love Languages
Now that you've taken the love language quiz, it's time to learn more about each of the love languages and your primary love language in particular. There are five love languages:
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
Our guide to the five love languages goes over each of them in depth, but we've included an overview of each love language below, along with examples.
#1: Acts of Service
People with this love language show how much they care for their partner by completing chores or other tasks. They feel that, when a partner takes time to do a chore that is necessary but not particularly enjoyable, they're showing how much they care about the relationship. If this is your love language, you probably often think about how you can reduce your partner's workload and greatly appreciate it when they step up to reduce yours.
- Examples:
- Shoveling snow off the car in the morning.
- Doing your partner's chores when you know they're very busy.
- Completing tasks without needing to be asked.
- Discussing how to divide up work in an equitable way.
#2: Physical Touch
Someone with this love language particularly values regular physical contact with their partner. This physical touch doesn't have to be sexual; in fact, it usually isn't. Instead, it's a way to give and receive comfort and be physically reminded of the closeness of the relationship.
- Examples:
- Holding hands.
- Sitting close to each other on the couch.
- Greeting and saying goodbye with a hug and/or kiss.
#3: Quality Time
If your primary love language is quality time, then you want to have regular in-person contact with your partner. However, sitting on the couch while you both scroll through your phones doesn't cut it. The time spent together must be high-quality and include conversation, active listening, and generally making each other the focus when you're together. Even if both partners have busy schedules, people with this love language expect to see each other often, even if it means changing around other events in the calendar.
- Examples:
- Going out to dinner and making a pact to not look at your phones.
- Trying a new hobby together.
- Setting up a regular date night.
#4: Receiving Gifts
Sometimes people with this love language are accused of being materialistic, but that's not the case. For people who particularly value receiving gifts, the monetary value of the gift is not the important part; instead, it's the thought and time that their partner put into choosing it. This makes it very similar to the other love languages. To show any of them requires thoughtfulness and effort, and the end result may be a verbal compliment, a task being completed, or (as in this case) a literal gift being given.
- Examples
- Giving thoughtful gifts for major events (birthday, holidays, anniversary) that show how well you know your partner.
- Giving spontaneous gifts for no reason.
- Buying your partner their favorite snack, etc. when they've had a hard day.
#5: Words of Affirmation
Verbal communication is most important for people with this love language, more so than physical acts such as acts of service or physical touch. These people want to be built up by their partner and have someone they can go to for encouragement, advice, and support. Strong, regular communication is a basic cornerstone of their relationships, and they're often big proponents of "talking things out."
- Examples
- Giving compliments.
- Expressing appreciation for your partner.
- Saying "I love you."
- Encouraging your partner, especially when they are struggling.
How Your Love Languages Affects Your Relationships
Now that you know your love language, how can you use it to make your relationships stronger? The power behind love languages is that they help partners understand each other's expectations and have a roadmap to meeting them.
When you and your partner know each other's love languages, you'll have a better understanding of what the other wants and needs from the relationship. When love languages aren't being taken into account, someone could be putting in a lot of effort into a relationship, but their partner might not realize it because their love language isn't being met. Let's take an example of a couple named Ezra and Taylor. Ezra's love language is physical touch, and Taylor's is acts of service. Before understanding each other's love languages, Ezra might regularly hug and kiss Taylor, make sure to keep an arm around her while they're walking together, and sit close to her on the couch during movie nights. However, Taylor may still feel that her needs aren't being met if Ezra doesn't help out with chores or step up when she has to spend late nights at the office. Similarly, Taylor may frequently do Ezra's chores when he forgets or doesn't have time for them, but, if she doesn't make an effort to increase her physical affection with Ezra, he may still feel like his needs aren't being met.
There's a common misconception that people need to date others with the same love language in order for a relationship to work or that you need to change your love language to match your partner's. This is untrue. It can sometimes be easier for two people with the same love language to get along in a relationship because it's more obvious how they can meet their partner's needs, but any pairing of love languages can be successful.
In Taylor and Ezra's case, the solution isn't for either of them to change who they are or what they need from a relationship. Instead, they both need to be better aware of their partner's love language and work to meet it. This could mean Ezra doing laundry when Taylor has a busy schedule and Taylor making an effort to hold hands more when she and Taylor are on walks.
Meeting someone's love language doesn't mean the relationship won't encounter any problems and, like all relationship advice, it needs to be used with frequent and honest communication. However, understanding love languages and, specifically, the love languages of the people you care the most about can help ensure you're helping those people feel loved.
Summary: What Is My Love Language Quiz
What is your love language? Love languages help couples learn more about how their partner shows and hopes to receive love. There are five love languages: acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, and quality time. Our love language test can help you determine your own primary love language and see how the other love languages rank for you. When you and your partner know each other's love languages, you'll have a better idea of how to meet each other's needs to make sure you both feel valued in the relationship.
What's Next?
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Christine graduated from Michigan State University with degrees in Environmental Biology and Geography and received her Master's from Duke University. In high school she scored in the 99th percentile on the SAT and was named a National Merit Finalist. She has taught English and biology in several countries.
Holly R.